im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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