Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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