She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
