just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
