Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
