y did u give ur computer a hand job?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
