went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize