Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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