she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
