in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
