got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
