He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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