you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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