I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
