lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
