good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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