the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
