im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
