I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
