I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize