Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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