What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
