He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
