If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
