On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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