before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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