The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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