I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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