You made me cry and you don't even care
one might say we're banned from that church
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
