I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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