Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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