okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
