I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need to calm my uterus...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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