i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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