why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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