oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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