i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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