The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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