Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
