so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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