I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
