I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
