i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
