i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
