a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
