DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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