I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
