Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
