i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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