Your dad touched me again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
