my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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