what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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