bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
