if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize