so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
