Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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