how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
