Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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