Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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