But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
