I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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