Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
