Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
