Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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