my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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