I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
