Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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