Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
