good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
